Hello one and all,
It’s been busy-busy-busy this week. The type of busy that requires three words and two hyphens for emphasis. Hell, any busier and I’d have to throw in an exclamation mark! Oh, there it is. 🙂
Yeah, so work; rather frantic, but in a good way. Lots of things done, items ticked off the list and folk genuinely helped…. which is why I feel I’m there. All good stuff.
Therapy time again last Monday – and this coming Monday for that matter – and it went fairly well. We talked briefly about how I’d felt since the last meeting and I did my best to be open and honest. Basically, I felt like sh** after the last one 🙂 I explained that after talking about the Pink Fog – or Maddy’s Magenta Mist? ™ – the lack of discussion around it left me feeling very low. The gent in question said that CBT can be very impersonal and as such, many people feel like they’re not being listened to. I’ve got to say that that was my feeling. The vibe I got – and I don’t mean this as a slight on the counselor – was that ‘cheer up and think happy thoughts = success’…. which doesn’t really doesn’t help with you get a smack round the noggin by the 2×4 of gender dysfunction. (Ed: for our non-Brit readers, noggin = head). Yeah, I only tend to get that when I’m feeling low, but all the same, those happy, happy thoughts are somewhat tricky to bring to the fore when you’re not 100%.
But moving on, I don’t think it’ll be long before we reach the end of this programme and I get an uninterrupted Monday afternoon back. I’m sure that’ll please work, although again, they’ve been very good about it. Talking of work and help, I signed up as an policy adviser with HR. Without going into too much depth – for once 😉 – the volunteer programme exists so you can listen to people’s concerns about work and help them come to a decision over how they want to move forward. I’ve very new at it, but sometimes, all you need is a friendly ear to listen, nod and take you seriously. Not so much sympathy on tap, more empathy and an offer to help. Nice to give something back for once.
Talking of giving back, I finally got back to Jessica – as in Jessica Who – about a guest post on her blog. She was kind enough to make the offer via email and as I’ve enjoyed her posts, I thought I’d put pen to paper – so to speak – and return the favour. I guess we’ll see how said article fits in with her schedule.
Thursday meant it was time for Chams and despite being a little later than usual, I was still the first one there. The Zumba folk were overstaying their welcome and I’m pondering a polite note to the Centre’s management to remind the keep fitters that they’re supposed to be out of the building at the end of their slot. I don’t mind ten mins here or there, but every week by a good twenty? Hmm….
Anyhoo, I struggled upstairs with a very large bag. What seems to be a growing trend of later is my inability to plan an outfit. I’d packed my new colour pop skinny jeans, black jeggings, skirt, two lots of shoes, a set of boots and three tops. Luckily I have just the one wig, so at least that choice was made 🙂 Alison arrived next, as did Maddy and we had a good chat… oh, and a tight donation as Maddy had had a blonde moment. Oops! 😉 For a change, I decided to pump up the volume on my eye make-up and went for a short-ish skirt (mini-kilt), blue top, coloured tights and boots look. The t-shirt I’d brought along was too big; yay weight loss, boo fashion fit. That’s confirmed to me that on my next shopping trip I should look for some more tops… and – memo to self: not plain ones.
Pat walked in next saying we had a visitor… or even, I had a visitor. Turns out it was a lady – as in lady lady, not.. umm… trans lady? – was here to talk to the group. My plans to faff about trying to get false eyelasher and paint my nails then went out of the window. Still, less is more right? 😉 HD is writing her dissertation on therapy and all things trans, so she’s keen to talk to the trans community. I bumped into Jenny – who I hadn’t seen in *ages* – so that was cool. Yes, the same lady who I’d worked with for a number of years and no, neither of us suspected.
Cup of tea in hand, I caught up with Sandi and then HD; she’d had a good long chat with Sandi and Tracey, so as I’d replied to the original email, I thought it polite to stop by and see how she was getting on. In the end, I think we must have talked a good hour or two about what it is to be trans…. and as HD and Alison said, it’s different for each person. Some are happy being part-timers, some go full time and some people transition.
I think we straightened the record on a few cliches, but if your sources are limited – and no, I don’t pretend to talk for the whole trans community either 🙂 – you know what you know. One of them was that given time, most trans folk will move towards transitioning. Yes, some people will, but there are many who won’t (Ed: ) and a part of me feels that suggesting there’s this ramp with occasion CD folk at one end and transitioning folk at the other, is wrong. To me, that reads that if you’re not full time and living the lift (tm), then in some way you’re less than serious. Personally, I don’t think it matters, it’s not a competition, it’s about personal happiness and as each person is different, who am I to say where you should start or stop at?
I found what she had to say very interesting. Certainly the stereotypical behaviours some of us do – okay, me and pictures – were discussed from another angle. The idea that people like compliments, we all want to fit in and by talking photos, we can re-live the event… and… shock! It’s not just trans folk who do this. 🙂 I know I’ve spotted a similar pattern in the fashion blogs that some people write and that made me feel a little more relaxed about getting the camera out. Alison also mentioned the low interest in male clothes versus a female wardrobe. To me – and please let me know otherwise – most of my male clothes are purely functional: clean, not too tight/baggy, warm, etc. Sure, I have favourite t-shirts, but I don’t deliberate even 10% as much as I do when having a girlie ni- okay, trans night out. Perhaps that’s a good thing, I’d never make it to work on time. 😀
Anyhoo, HD said she’d like to come again and talk to more people. She was, bless her, very conscientiousness and didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I feel that the group’s relaxed and confident enough to deal with polite questions. Oh, and yes, we did invite HD to Invasion, but I guess we’ll see on that one! 🙂
With time flying by, it was time to move on to the pub with Sophie, Maddy, Tracey, Jessica and Tanya. Sam and Penny were already ‘in da house’. Yes, we did have our usual bout of song mauling. Miss Watson was my partner in crime and despite some deliberation over what song to go for, we ended up performing – I hesitate to use the word sing – to Dead Ringer for Love… although the first R may have changed to a M at one point 😛
All in all a very good night and although I was later home than I wanted to be, oddly, I wasn’t very tired when I woke up and….. it’s only a week until Invasion. Get in! 🙂
[ Today’s lyric: Dead Ringer for Love by Meatloaf ft Cher ]