“He’d come in third in a two-horse race.”


Considering it was Friday the 13th today, things have been pretty good. I dropped Wee Man off at school – suitably equipped for Comic Relief – and after a hug goodbye, I drove off into the glorious Spring sunshine. Ahhh, that weather’s a welcome change: the warmth of the sun on your face and a lovely blue sky. Good stuff.

Yesterday was Going Out Night and I thought it went pretty well (Ed: Brit understatement). The group had a visit from a lady called Debbie who’d come along to do a photoshoot. To be honest with you, I hadn’t planned on having my photo taken. I’d only brought one outfit (yes – unusual for a trans person, but there you go) and didn’t have much cash on me. Well, not strictly true. I had the takings from the last meeting, but that would be theft wouldn’t it? 🙂 So that was a no?

After a few folk had had their snaps done and the rush had died down, I asked nicely if Debbie how far a tenner would stretch…. from a photographic point of view (for those of you with dirty minds). The Lady from DeMonte said yes and a number of shots later it was all over. I didn’t feel a thing. 🙂 All I will say is that Debbie is a *very* good photographer. I’m always slight in awe of those who have the knack of taking the right shot. I had look at the images she’d caught, but she said she’d drop the finished versions off at the next meeting. Something to wait for eh? Good times! 🙂

We also had a visit from two new folk: Angelina and Stacey (I’m sh** with names). I wasn’t sure if they were BF + GF or just friends. I didn’t like to pry – it might sound dodgy :-). That aside, a lovely – umm? – couple (apologies if you’re not together!) and we had a nice chat about this that and the other. That’s one (of the many) good things about Chams. You get to catch up with friends, make new ones and generally have a good time. We can also be there if you’ve got questions or are worried about something.

At the end of the evening, I got changed back into Bob mode and headed downstairs to say goodbye to people. I’m trying to clear a bit of space in my wardrobe, so I gave away some black heels (not a good fit) and some unopened make-up (which I’d won weeks earlier). Dropping my bag off to help with the chairs, I bumped into them both again. Stacey was surprised at the (reverse) transformation. Strange what a good wig and padding in the right place can achieve. 🙂 I’ll never pass, but frankly – wait for it, wait for it – I don’t give a damn. 🙂 Why fret over the unachievable? All the wishing in the world wouldn’t change my shape or face, so why waste the energy? Just enjoy what you’ve got….

… which brings me round to Comic Relief. I’ve put a few quid in (Ed: again, understatement) – well, more than last year – have you done the same? It’s odd how the programme seems to affect me more that it used to: certainly more now I’ve got kids. I know it’s charity and I know that’ll make some people’s lips curl, but f*** it. Given all that I’ve got – environmentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually – will I miss the money I donate? Do I really *need* another meal out or a pair of posh shoes? Maybe someone else needs a little luck and here’s my chance to do something. It’s a small something, but if enough of us do it, good things can happen.

Take care,

[ Today’s lyric: Last of the Secret Agents by Nancy Sinatra. Why? I didn’t get the job I told you about a few entries ago. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. I gave it a go and that’s cool. On the up side, I don’t have to switch teams and who knows – maybe other possibilities will arise. ]


  1. Damn fine photo, Lynn! You say all these awful things, but look awfully good from here!

    Tight as things are, we still try and do our bit as well; Karma has done well by us to this point and I know everything we’ve ever given away has come back to us many times over.

    Windows close and doors open…you just never know!


  2. Hiya Lynn,

    you do yourself an injustice when you say you dont pass.

    I’ve only met you a few times but each time i’ve been impressed at your mannerisms and your posture and your looks.

    You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, you are your own worst critic i think.


  3. TCG: Glad you like them. It stops this all being so me-me-me. Thanks for your kind words, although the snap isn’t by Debbie. She had a proper lighting rig and that photo was on a small digital balanced on a box! 🙂

    Cassidy: Thanks… a welcome change from the more casual jeans or leggings.

    Alan: I am – as Sam says – my own worst critic. I think that’s part of being who I am. I think I fear being caught in a fantasy. Yeah, ironic for a tranny to say that, but I hope you get what I mean.

    As to Karma, well, that would be nice. Just because I don’t want something, maybe someone else could get a use out of it. I had to see good things being trashed.

    Samantha: Thanks, honey. I am harsh, that’s true – sometimes on myself too 🙂

    I feel a bit bad for saying what I did. It’s not that I’m fishing for compliemnts – far from it – I just don’t want to lie to myself. It’s taken me a while to get here, emotionally speaking, and for a long time the idea of passing or looking more female did bother me. Now, it doesn’t. I’m happy being me and honestly, regardless of what my fizzog may look like, if I feel well turned out: that’s enough.

    BTW: mannerisms? I’ve so got to watch them. I found my arm straightening the wrong way for a chap when walking the other day. I also notice my sitting position isn’t like the other guys in the office. One of the joys of being betwixt and between genders 🙂

  4. In what passes for language here they are used interchangably, I hadn’t even noticed!


    I despair of the day when all is relegated to text-speak!


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