“I got a reason for the devil inside you know”


Hooray, it’s the weekend. Blimey, it doesn’t seem five minutes since I was last at this keyboard emptying my head into Blogger.

It’s been a strange old week. Firstly, I’ve been out and about (through work, sadly not socially) which in some ways was great. I got out of the office and got to stretch my legs. The downside was there was a bit of travel involved which meant a few long days. Still, as I said, it’s good to get out.

I got a spot of shopping done too. I managed to find a nice coat seeing as the nights are drawing in. I had a choice between a red double breasted number and a longer greenish more fitted number with the traditional row of buttons. I went for the latter. With a bit of luck, maybe I’ll be able to throw an outfit together for a test run.

Oh, I also tried some stick on nails from Kiss (available from Boots for about 6 quid). They go on and come off quite nicely. While they do stand out – but not in a Wolverene kinda way – a quick bit of filing would help.


Through some bad double booking on my part, I didn’t manage to get to NottsChams this week (boo-hiss!). With the ‘trans want’ waxing and waning, I was surprised to find myself so – what’s the word? – disappointed. I think that’s the closest I can get to it. It’s really odd and while I wasn’t really ‘mad for it’ (so to speak) I did feel very let down that I had to stay in.

Now, this is one of the things I find very strange about being trans. Some folk say that it’s all about sex. To be honest with you, I struggle with this one. It’s not that some parts of the TG lifestyle aren’t a bit of a turn on, but I’d be lying to you if I said I – and excuse the frank language – had the horn each time I looked at skirt or put on an item of female clothing.

So why is it that I felt like I did? Surely it must go deeper than that? Is it all just about sex and I was narked because I missed my thrill? Are we, humans that is, that shallow? I’d like to think not.

Wake up Neo

Those of you with no interest in computers may wish to skip this next bit. 🙂

Regular readers may recall that my computer gave up the ghost the other week. Anyhoo, some new shiny bits arrived the other day and after an hour or two of reading the fine manual (RTFM!) and staring at the gubbins, I realised the reason why it wouldn’t start up. I’d missed the power connectors. Doh! Once connected fully, the system leapt into life and off we go again. The new system is nice and quiet. The last one was too noisy. Seemingly a common problem for PCs these days.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far though eh? Well, I’ve pretty much been a Windows user since Win 3.x (although I missed 98 and went to NT, but that’s another story). Okay, I use Linux at work, but that’s all headless server stuff. With the main computer only just back online, I’ve been using the test machine on which I’d slapped Linux on earlier. No special reason other than I wanted to see what’s new and groovy with it. What’s odd is that now I’ve put Windows on the main system and… I kinda miss Linux. It was quite easy to use and although I had a few teething problems with it, it just worked. “Which was nice” 🙂

Now, where did I put the partitioning software?

Take care,

[ Today’s lyrical donor; the mighty PWEI. ]


  1. “Some folk say that it’s all about sex.”

    All? For some folks it may well be ONLY about sex All of the time. But then anything that focuses primarily on gender has to at least be partially about sex doesn’t it? I’m not so sure that I find anything wrong with SEX being part of the equation. It seems like the inclusion of SEX somehow negates the experience on some moralistic/judgemental level, removing it from the context of an entire, complex experience.

    I’ve had alot of discussions with my partner about how she, as a genetic female, perceives her sexuality as translated through her appearance. She often dresses to suit various moods: Sensual, Attractive, Desireable, etc.(Her words, not mine). She never says Sexual, but she certainly means (she will admit under duress) just that. Women still aren’t really allowed to own such admissions outright either it appears.
    Concurrent with these discussions was a more humorous series of experiences. Initially when I dressed in my partners presence, she also assumed I was “being sexual” because she felt “turned on”. Through discussion I was able to articulate that wearing a skirt did not always mean I wanted her hand roaming up my leg! It seems that the more often I was Emma, the more ordinary/normal I was accepted/treated.

    I think for most TG/Tranny folk, many of the things concerning the appearance of femininity has to do alot of doubletime on the symbolic level, occasionally verging on fetishistic at times. Which I think would be pretty normal considering how long and how much the feminine aspect has been denied nd repressed outwardly for many of us. Add to that the conditioning, as male, that we receive about what constitutes female imagery through whatever visual media we’ve been exposed to(lingerie, stockings/heels, elaborate makeup) and there’s very understandable mixed messages and confusion.

  2. Sexuality is part of trhe human mix so why shouldn’t we feel sexy sometimes when we dress. Also, as a TV I’d say our experience of dressing 99% of the time is about doing it to feel good. And alot of women would readily agree that when they do get “dressed up” it makes them feel good. The main difference being women wear women’s clothes all the time so they’re going to dress down more than they dress up whereas we dress up coz may be we don’t get the opportunity to do so so often. It’s just my take. 🙂

  3. Following on… It seems to me that the more TVs dress up the more the inclination is to dress in smart, but every day women’s styles, because the novelty value of glamourous/fetishistic styles wears off. Again, it’s just my take.

  4. Emma >

    Quite a post there! Thanks. I wonder if the whole ‘sex’ thing is merely the standard British prudishness (is that a word) coming through?

    understandable mixed messages

    So what you’re saying is, we’re blokes who like to dress up who then get cheered up by what we see? 🙂 Joking aside, that does make some kinda sense.

    Rachel >

    Welcome back! A very valid point about the ‘everyday’ gear. It just feels good to get some tranny time and as you say ‘look good’.

    Alan >

    Thanks and welcome to the nut house 🙂

  5. I think we all have moments when our patience is put to the test. My new foreman at work is a year younger than my youngest son…I was working at GM before he was conceived…



  6. I was working at GM before he was conceived…

    Hey, boss, I’ve got shoes older than you. 🙂

    Is he young, thrusting and dynamic – so many of them seem to be these days* – or is he okay? I’m okay with managers provided they’re a) polite and b) fair.

    * Man, I’m getting jaded. Sheesh.

  7. He he! Linux gets to you like that. What flavour have you been using?

    I don’t use it as much these days as my free time is limited for playing at home and, while our core products at work do mostly reside on Linux servers, all the apps that connect to them are Windows resident.
    I still think Linux has a way to go before it becomes a Windows replacement, though it is getting closer by the day.

    BTW you won’t need that partitioning software, Linux will makes its own little home on your spare disk space.

  8. Maddie > The flavour du jour is Ubuntu and as to a ‘Windows replacement’ – softer words have started a USENET flamewar 🙂

    I think that MS have started to look over their shoulder a lot more in recent months. I think the Vista take-up has shown a real uninterest by consumers and business. There seems to be a lot more people using Macs or running Linux these days.

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