True’s Grit

So were you glued to the box Tuesday night watching Leia, Kim and Sue try their hardest for the big pagent? If you missed it, maybe 4OD can help you out. I won’t spoil the ending. What I will say is that the programme is more – and forgive the cliche – about the journey rather than the destination. To be honest, I found the pagent thing a little weird and if it’s anything like Miss World is now, there’s a lot more politics involved.

The start of the programme on ‘being a TV’ if you will, was (IMO) very good. It rang a few bells with me and I found myself nodding in agreement to some of the soundbites that were picked out. “A bloke 99.9% of the time” was one that stuck with me. For me at least, and if you feel different – please say otherwise, that’s true. I spend the majority of my life in bloke mode and I’m cool with that. Sure, it’s nice to go out and be glam, but it’s *such* a lot of effort. I don’t just mean the dressing up part, there’s the secrecy, staying trim and the continual battle against your inner wolfman (Ed: she doesn’t mean not biting people). Honestly, I like being a bloke. You get paid more for starters and there’s no shame in being ballsy or go-getting. Double standards eh ladies? Then there’s all those fab gadgets to play with: cars, computers, sporting equipment, hi-fi’s, etc. 🙂

Flippancy aside, the closing segment of the programme was very poinyant. Leia came out to her mum and another entrant was saying she hadn’t seen her parents for over 4 years. All this woman wanted was the acceptance and love of her mother. Both scenes were very moving albeit in different ways. Does this explain the trans love of blogging, forums and photos? While there is an element of vanity and ego, ultimately is it acceptance not attention that we crave? If we cannot find acceptance within our family, does a web page or blog fill that void? Does the acceptance from our peers outweight the risk of being found out? Ahhh, questions, questions eh?


  1. The whole program was very well put together IMHO. I was especially impressed with the way that Gavin/Leah was portrayed as a normal person instead of the usual sensationalism.

    As for the whole blog/web thing I think you may be close to the truth there. It would seem to me that its a “safe” and “anonymous” way to express your femme side to the world at large and, hell, yes gain a little acceptance. MAybe not as fulfilling as true acceptance from your loved ones, but maybe its a stoipgap that fills the interim void.

    Then again, maybe I’m just spouting my usual guff!

  2. It’s ironic that we decide to express very private thoughts in a very public medium.

    Trannys eh? We’re just nuts! 😀

    I’m not going to make any comments about spelling, not with my track record. 🙂 I think there’s a built in ‘check for FireFox now.

  3. It’s hard to be confused about your gender (and ultimately your very nature) and not have a need for some rather large quantities of acceptance. I question my motivation for my “trans gender” identification over and over. I started blogging to do so more deeply and to “expose” myself to feedback I might not want to pose to myself. It feels reassuring to know I’m not alone. But often it is hard to accept that reassurance from those who I know love me, precisely because they love me. . . I come to take for granted that they will overlook my more unusual “particulars” out of love.

    There’s risk in everything I do. Usually I view this in proportion to the potential outcome’s perceived value for me. But the failures are just as important in teaching me where to look further for betters questions.
    Maybe that’s an answer of sorts in itself.

  4. I can’t “appear” yet as Stephanie in Real Life very much so I’ve found that by far the most valuable aspect of having an online presence as her is that it provides a continuity to my self-identity as Stephanie which is hard to sustain while still living as a man. Does that make sense? (But then I’m not happy to be a man 99% of the time as you said you were…)

  5. Emma > Realistically I think we all realise that we’re not the only person who has this particular lifestyle / condition. However, to talk or meet with others is another thing altogether. I enjoy blogging and the open conversations – if this could be said to be talking – that a post sparks off. Perhaps that’s why I held off creating a web page (too ‘flat’?).

    Stephanie > Yes, it makes sense. You may be male on the outside, but the inner you (perhaps more a mix of both?) remains quiet. Even if you choose to express all sides of your personality, there are conversations and topics you just don’t discuss with some folk.

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